Just one of those things..

Well as another weekend draws to a close, I find myself in one of those introspective moods that seem to come so easily to me on Sunday nights, for whatever reason. It must just be because the weekend represents two days that are literally filled with endless possibilities and by the time Sunday night rolls around, I've begun to accept the reality that I have to return to work the next day. Well, barring any unforeseen lottery wins, anyway. So as I sit here and look forward to the dawning of next weekend (which is also the long weekend, I might point out..YeeHaw!) I thought I might as well do a little bitta blogging.

It has actually been a bit of a tense weekend in the lives of my family this weekend as it came about that my aunt is very sick and in the hospital. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't made it to the age of 30-less-3-weeks without coming face to face with the reality of our mortality as humans. In fact, I probably know more about that than I should at this point but that is another story for another blog at another time. But it still doesn't change the fact that frankly, life sometimes just sucks. There...I said it. It just sucks. Sheesh.

Yes, my aunt is very sick and I know that realistically with the realities of brain cancer, the end is going to come sooner rather than later. And do you know the only thing that I can think about this right now? It isn't how fortunate we have all been to have the time that we have had together...it isn't how fortunate that we have such a big extended family and so we will never really be alone. What I am really thinking is that life is just really damn unfair. Yes, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but..that is the way it is.

I mean, my mom spent many years not on speaking terms with my aunt and they only began to really speak to each other again just a few years ago. And now something like this happens. I know it is breaking my mom's heart to think of losing her sister when she only got her back again, let alone what my aunt and her family must be going through right now. At the risk of sounding like a petulant seven-year old, it just isn't fair.

Having said that, the one thing I will always be thankful for are the memories that I have. For whatever reason, I am one of those people that have a LOT of memories from their childhood and as I get older, I become more and more thankful of this particular trait. Anyway, when I think of my aunt I always think of this incident that happened when I was a little girl and my mom and dad would take my sister and I to visit my aunt and uncle. They lived in a city about an hour away which for a little'un, makes for a pretty big adventure. But anyway, my aunt and uncle had this big bad-ass german shepherd named Sam and to put it plainly Sam was a mean, mean dog. On this particular visit, I couldn't have been more then 3 or 4 and as we didn't have animals in our house, my exposure to dogs had been pretty limited.

During the day, my sister and I had somehow managed to cajole my mom into buying us chocolate bars and with me being me, I had decided to save mine until later (aka: until after my sister had eaten hers as somehow that automatically made mine better!). I distinctly remember my mom putting my chocolate bar in her purse while we were out shopping so that I would have it for later when I wanted it and then we had gone on to my aunt and uncle's to visit for a while.

For the most part, they usually kept Sam outside on account of his meanness but for whatever reason, on this particular day, he was inside with the rest of us. Don't ask me how I remember all of this because I have no clue but I can recall sitting safely up on my mom's lap with my sister sitting nearby as my mom and Aunt Barb talked about something or other. And it was from up there on my safe perch on my mom's lap that I saw the evil Sam out in the hallway by the front door sniffing around my mom's purse, which she had left open on the floor. And now what was in my mom's purse again?? Yes, precious...it was the chocolate bar..MY chocolate bar that I had been saving to taunt my sister with! So in my infinite pre-five year old wisdom, I remember squirming around on my mom's lap until she finally put me down to wander off and the first thing I did was make a beeline for the hallway, intent on resucing my ch0colate bar. But upon arrival in the hallway, I find to my horror that the evil Sam has already located my chocolate bar and presently is making a pretty good attempt at chewing through the wrapper. But did this deter me? Was I worried about the evil dog slobber that would inevitably be sullying my wonderful chocolate bar? Absolutely not...all that mattered to me was that it was mine and I wanted it back. So, with all the bravery of a child that has never encountered a snarling hell-hound, I walked right up to him and reached out to take the chocolate bar from his mouth and I''m sure I don't need to draw you a picture for you to understand that this didn't go very well.

He snarled alright and to this day, I distinctly remember the fear I felt in that moment. My mom came rushing out and swept me up out of danger and into her arms but I have never, ever forgotten that day or the fact that my aunt told my mom that there was no way that Sam would have hurt me. Had I been able to stop crying and been of an age where complete sentences came easy to me, I would have heartily disagreed! As it was, I returned to my mom's lap and Sam got to keep the nasty chocolate bar: Evil dog, 1...wee Heather 0. Let me also say that as a result of that day, it took me many, many years to overcome my fear of any kind of dogs..lol.

Yeah, I know it is a bit of a strange memory but it is one that always stands out for me when I think of my aunt. Just like I will always associate her with the taste of pepsi, the particular aroma of Du Maurier cigarettes and the unforgettable food-stuff that is macaroni mixed with canned tomatos. And on top of that, I will always remember, with complete and exsquisite detail, the weekend last summer when Kate and I went to spend a few days up at the trailer with my mom. My aunt and uncle also have a trailer in the same trailer park and on that particular Saturday night, my aunt made us a meal fit for a king...thick, juicy steaks and more butter-fried mushrooms than you could shake a stick at. I remember thinking that night as we all sat around talking, digesting and just soaking in the unique quietness that comes from twilit summer nights, that we were the lucky ones...the real lucky ones that we could have nights like that. I couldn't have been more right.