Does this come in my size?!

Hi all..bad blogger person back for another round! Hmm..it's Sunday night again and here I find myself finally back at the computer with a little something to say. I think I might have just experienced one of the shortest weekends ever on record. Now, don't get me wrong, it was the same length as any other weekend but it just felt short...really short. And did I do anything all that riveting? No, not really.

Yesterday was a lazy day that hit it's high point when Adam and I went for dinner to this awesome little diner/restaurant place called Hutch's down on Hamilton Beach Road. For those of you (and that means most of you probably!) that don't know of what I speak, it is this wonderful place right on the beach that serves traditional diner fare and apparently has been there forever! Well, since 1946 anyway, or so the menu board said.

Anyway, Adam and I have been there only one time before and even though the restaurant and the beach surrounding it is usually teaming with people, it still somehow feels very exclusive..almost like you have discovered something that is yours alone. Walking through the front door is literally like walking into a time warp and you can feel that the place really hasn't changed much in the past 59 years. It is alive with history that you can almost reach out and touch.

But aside from the magic of the place itself, there is also the other draw...the fact that they serve the best fish and chips this side of the Maritimes. Yeah, that alone is enough to keep me coming back again and again..well, that and the ice cream counter that I just can't seem to resist visiting before we leave!

So instead of going grocery shopping like responsible people would, we blew that off for the little trip to Hutch's, which then led to another trip to IKEA (which is another blog for another time) and the purchase of some patio furniture that we could not afford. But that was it...that was my oh-so-exciting Saturday.

And that led to today and the dawning of a bright and sunny Sunday morning. I don't know what exactly it is about Sunday mornings that alway seem to hold so much promise, but today was no exception. I woke up early, spent some quality time with Adam and then decided that a little shopping trip was in order...so off to the mall I went to meet up with Tracy. And this is really what I wanted to write my blog about.

Now I'm not complaining a bit about the shopping trip in general because overall it was a good, good time, as usual with Tracy. No, my beef lies with a few select individuals that I always seem to encounter on these shopping trips...individuals that, if I let them, could have seriously put a damper on my day. Come on, I'm sure you know of what individuals I speak. Yep, retail salespeople.

Okay, let me set the scene. So here we are, Tracy and I, we meet at the mall, each with our own purpose in mind. She was looking for an outfit for a summer wedding and I was looking to make a few purchases to extend my wardrobe for my upcoming trip to Vegas in two weeks (again, another blog). So after a short side trip, we finally get down to it and make our way through the mall in search of stores that might suit our purposes.

So along on our way, we come to a few stores that look promising for what Tracy is looking for so we head in. Now for those of you who know me, you know that there is no way in hell that anything that is sold in a "regular" store is going to fit me. Yes, for the next little while at least, I'm a plus size girl. But that doesn't stop me from going on in and lending my opinion or moral support as it may be, to my "regular" sized friends when they happen to be in the need to shop when with me. I don't personally see it as a problem but apparently, not everyone is of the same mindset as I am.

So there we are, making our way through the stores as Tracy finds a few things to try on. Now I'm not sure if this is the way with all plus-sized women, but there is just something I find very enjoyable about going shopping with "regular" sized people. I always find the best outfits and will "suggest" to my heart's content...maybe I'm just living vicariously through my smaller friends but whatever it is, I quite enjoy it. Maybe I just envision myself as a "celebrity dresser to the stars" type, who knows. And the first few stores that we went in to were not bad or maybe my radar just wasn't quite warmed up yet but as soon as we walked into this one store (called Melanie Lynn, for those who are familiar with it), everything changed. All of a sudden, I'm noticing the "looks" that I'm being sent by the considerably smaller sales people. If you are plus-sized, you know the looks I speak of. They are the "I'm-trying-not-to-stare-but-honestly-does-she-really-expect-to-find-something-in-this-store-to-fit-her-fat-body-and-I-really-hope-she-doesn't-try-anything-on-and-stretch-it-as-then-it-won't-fit-properly-on-any-of-our-other-skinnymini-customers" looks. Yeah, they try not to be obvious with the looks at first but the longer you stay in the store, the mort frantic and obvious the looks become. It is like they are somehow threatened by the presence of a fat person on the skinny-girl territory.
And I'm sorry but hell, that really bites my ass. I hate it and it irritates the crap out of me. There I was, finding myself trying to stay as close to Tracy as possible so that the frightened salespeople would be able to see that I was in fact NOT in there looking for something for myself but there on a clothes-finding mission with a friend.

And I thought that I was doing pretty well until we made it to this store called Laura Petites. Now maybe it is just the fact that I've been overweight for virtually my whole life, but there just seems something very wrong about someone my size going anywhere near a store with the word "Petite" in the title, but on in I went anyway. After all...we were on a mission and it looked like they had some cute dresses in there that would be perfect for a summer wedding. But again, as soon as I walked in, I could feel the looks coming my way..and this time they weren't only from the staff but they were from the customers to. At one point I was standing at one of the racks of dresses helping Tracy look for a size when this "regular" sized woman came right up and acted like I wasn't even there, virtually pushing me out of the way. And as a side note, yes I know that this could have happened because she was just a bitch but work with me here..I'm on a rant.

Anyway, I tried to ignore it and walked with Tracy over to the fitting rooms as she had found a few things that she wanted to try on. She went on in and I stayed outside making a pretense of looking at the racks of dresses hanging nearby in an attempt to look like I was actually doing something other than standing there like an idiot. But low and behold, there comes along this little salesperson, dressed in her little sales person clothes and this god-awful look on her face. She gives me this false, pinched smile that clearly had no hope in hell at being sincere or even reaching her eyes, for that matter and literally gave me the once over from head to foot. And clearly what she saw there didn't please her since it was all she could do to get out a "Can I help you?" in her most insulting, saccarine sweet voice.

And let me tell you, if I was just a little bit less of the nice person that everyone is always telling me that I shouldn't be, I would have given her an ear ful. I would have told her that no, she couldn't help me. There is absolutely nothing in that I need in my life that I could ever get from her. And yes, I do realize that there is no way in hell that any of their 80-year-old grandmother clothes would fit me, and yes, I do realize that I am breaking some sort of truce that has been established through the ages between the skinny and the fat people of the world, not to tread on their sacred territory. And yes, I do realize that I really must be serving as quite a distraction to their regular customers as they can't seem to stop staring at me either. And yes, I would really love to know just who shit in her cornflakes this morning to make her think that she has the right to talk down her skinny little nose to me, making me feel like I'm some sort of a lesser being, just becuase I don't qualify for the 0 to 14 size range. See? Told you I could have given her an earful.

But did I say that? No, instead I turned her smile back on her and said that I was just waiting for my regular sized friend that was trying something on.

But what I really, really wanted to say to her was that if she thinks that I'm fat now, she should have seem me 60 pounds ago, before I discovered the magic of Weight Watchers. And yes, I can absolutely, completely and utterly guarantee her that, when the time comes when I AM skinny enough to fit in "regular" sized clothing, I sure the hell won't be shopping in her store. Because the time will come when I am no longer carrying an extra person around with me as I have a goal and I'm working toward that goal every day. And when that day comes, I'll be making my way directly to the stores that have the nice "regular" sized clothes but more than that, I'll be heading to the ones that have the decent people working in them because I have been keeping track.

Okay. I'm done ranting now. But please do me a favour..whether you are a sales person or not, the next time you come face to face with a plus-sized person, please try to make an effort to treat that person like a human being. You don't know us and you don't know anything about our lives and under it all, we are all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect. There may be more to us than many people think there should be but really, if you look close enough, chances are that you are going to find a pretty big heart inside as well.

Just one of those things..

Well as another weekend draws to a close, I find myself in one of those introspective moods that seem to come so easily to me on Sunday nights, for whatever reason. It must just be because the weekend represents two days that are literally filled with endless possibilities and by the time Sunday night rolls around, I've begun to accept the reality that I have to return to work the next day. Well, barring any unforeseen lottery wins, anyway. So as I sit here and look forward to the dawning of next weekend (which is also the long weekend, I might point out..YeeHaw!) I thought I might as well do a little bitta blogging.

It has actually been a bit of a tense weekend in the lives of my family this weekend as it came about that my aunt is very sick and in the hospital. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't made it to the age of 30-less-3-weeks without coming face to face with the reality of our mortality as humans. In fact, I probably know more about that than I should at this point but that is another story for another blog at another time. But it still doesn't change the fact that frankly, life sometimes just sucks. There...I said it. It just sucks. Sheesh.

Yes, my aunt is very sick and I know that realistically with the realities of brain cancer, the end is going to come sooner rather than later. And do you know the only thing that I can think about this right now? It isn't how fortunate we have all been to have the time that we have had together...it isn't how fortunate that we have such a big extended family and so we will never really be alone. What I am really thinking is that life is just really damn unfair. Yes, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but..that is the way it is.

I mean, my mom spent many years not on speaking terms with my aunt and they only began to really speak to each other again just a few years ago. And now something like this happens. I know it is breaking my mom's heart to think of losing her sister when she only got her back again, let alone what my aunt and her family must be going through right now. At the risk of sounding like a petulant seven-year old, it just isn't fair.

Having said that, the one thing I will always be thankful for are the memories that I have. For whatever reason, I am one of those people that have a LOT of memories from their childhood and as I get older, I become more and more thankful of this particular trait. Anyway, when I think of my aunt I always think of this incident that happened when I was a little girl and my mom and dad would take my sister and I to visit my aunt and uncle. They lived in a city about an hour away which for a little'un, makes for a pretty big adventure. But anyway, my aunt and uncle had this big bad-ass german shepherd named Sam and to put it plainly Sam was a mean, mean dog. On this particular visit, I couldn't have been more then 3 or 4 and as we didn't have animals in our house, my exposure to dogs had been pretty limited.

During the day, my sister and I had somehow managed to cajole my mom into buying us chocolate bars and with me being me, I had decided to save mine until later (aka: until after my sister had eaten hers as somehow that automatically made mine better!). I distinctly remember my mom putting my chocolate bar in her purse while we were out shopping so that I would have it for later when I wanted it and then we had gone on to my aunt and uncle's to visit for a while.

For the most part, they usually kept Sam outside on account of his meanness but for whatever reason, on this particular day, he was inside with the rest of us. Don't ask me how I remember all of this because I have no clue but I can recall sitting safely up on my mom's lap with my sister sitting nearby as my mom and Aunt Barb talked about something or other. And it was from up there on my safe perch on my mom's lap that I saw the evil Sam out in the hallway by the front door sniffing around my mom's purse, which she had left open on the floor. And now what was in my mom's purse again?? Yes, precious...it was the chocolate bar..MY chocolate bar that I had been saving to taunt my sister with! So in my infinite pre-five year old wisdom, I remember squirming around on my mom's lap until she finally put me down to wander off and the first thing I did was make a beeline for the hallway, intent on resucing my ch0colate bar. But upon arrival in the hallway, I find to my horror that the evil Sam has already located my chocolate bar and presently is making a pretty good attempt at chewing through the wrapper. But did this deter me? Was I worried about the evil dog slobber that would inevitably be sullying my wonderful chocolate bar? Absolutely not...all that mattered to me was that it was mine and I wanted it back. So, with all the bravery of a child that has never encountered a snarling hell-hound, I walked right up to him and reached out to take the chocolate bar from his mouth and I''m sure I don't need to draw you a picture for you to understand that this didn't go very well.

He snarled alright and to this day, I distinctly remember the fear I felt in that moment. My mom came rushing out and swept me up out of danger and into her arms but I have never, ever forgotten that day or the fact that my aunt told my mom that there was no way that Sam would have hurt me. Had I been able to stop crying and been of an age where complete sentences came easy to me, I would have heartily disagreed! As it was, I returned to my mom's lap and Sam got to keep the nasty chocolate bar: Evil dog, 1...wee Heather 0. Let me also say that as a result of that day, it took me many, many years to overcome my fear of any kind of dogs..lol.

Yeah, I know it is a bit of a strange memory but it is one that always stands out for me when I think of my aunt. Just like I will always associate her with the taste of pepsi, the particular aroma of Du Maurier cigarettes and the unforgettable food-stuff that is macaroni mixed with canned tomatos. And on top of that, I will always remember, with complete and exsquisite detail, the weekend last summer when Kate and I went to spend a few days up at the trailer with my mom. My aunt and uncle also have a trailer in the same trailer park and on that particular Saturday night, my aunt made us a meal fit for a king...thick, juicy steaks and more butter-fried mushrooms than you could shake a stick at. I remember thinking that night as we all sat around talking, digesting and just soaking in the unique quietness that comes from twilit summer nights, that we were the lucky ones...the real lucky ones that we could have nights like that. I couldn't have been more right.

T Minus Two Days and Counting...

Hello all...yes, I know. I've been away for a very long time and I'm pretty sure that makes me some sort of a bad person. I just haven't felt like I've had much to blog about as of late but I thought now might be the right time to make a re-appearance. Do I now have something to say that would be worthy of a blog? No, prolly not. But I'm going to do it anyway..;)

I guess I should maybe follow up on my last post with my wonderous breakthrough with the dog walking technique. It has been, what, 21 or 22 days now and I'm happy to report that the dog walking continues to be a success. Ah, sweet blessed success! The general way of things are much more relaxed around our house since then and forever more I will always praise and exhault the makers of such wonderful contraptions. Now if I could only get *damn dog* to stop howling at me when I try to punish him for something. I wonder if the Halti-makers have created something to help with the phenomena of Beagle howling..hmm.

On another equally happy note, I am VERY excited to report that the premiere of Kingdom of Heaven is now only TWO days away! Yes, I know, I can hardly believe it myself! Now why, you might ask, is this little tidbit just so important to me? Well for those of you who do not know me (or not that well), one of the very first things you should know and will undoubtedly learn about me is that I have a complete and utter (although entirely healthy ;) ) obsession for Orlando Bloom. I know..he is really hot, isn't he?!

Okay yes, I will admit that it might be strange for an almost 30 year-old, happily married woman to have what most people would term a "pre-teen fascination" with an actor/celebrity but alas, it is true and I am not ashamed to admit it! It started *way* back in 2002 when my brother in law convinced me to sit down and watch the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring extended edition DVD with him that we had bought him for Christmas. Just one look at the blonde elf Legolas and I was smitten! And while I admit that I was originally just fascinated with the whole elf concept, it quickly came to be as much about the person that portrayed Legolas as about the character and movie itself. Don't get me wrong, LOTR is still (and prolly always will be) my favourite movie/book and I'm fascinated by all things Tolkien but it goes a bit beyond that too. And well, it has just grown from there, through the release of the remaining LOTR movies and then on to Orlando's *other* movies after that. So yeah, I'm a bit strange but I take heart in knowing that I'm not the only one! I mean, the man has a HUGE fan base and I'm pretty sure that it can't all be made up of pre-teen girls. And after all, one of my best friends is probably the only other person in the world that I know that could be considered a bigger Orlando fan than I am!

And after saying all of that, I have to say that I have what can only be the sweetest, most patient, loving, indulgent husband in the entire world as he not only puts up with what he calls my "Orlando Obsession", but he actually *feeds* it! I can not even count the number of times he has put up with watching the various releases of LOTR (in theatrical and extended edition format) and he really doesn't complain all that much about it. And then for Christmas 2003, he gave me what what I will always consider to be one of the best Christmas presents that I have ever received when he bought me tickets to go to the LOTR trilogy marathon. But it gets better..not only did he buy me tickets but he *came with me* too! He happily tolerated spending an obscene 14 hours straight in a movie theatre one cold December day so that I could watch the three LOTR movies back to back to back and still...no complaints! He just rocks! On top of that, he has bought me SO many LOTR/Orlando themed gifts that I think I've just about lost track, including posters, calendars, puzzles and that wonderful autographed Orlando Bloom framed photo that he bought me for Valentines Day..;) And after saying all of this, it shouldn't surprise you that for my approaching 30th birthday he has bought me tickets to attend the LOTR symphony..on my actual birthday!! Back off ladies, I know I'm a lucky girl..:)

But anyway, it seems that I've got a bit off topic from my original point. That point is that Orlando's new movie, Kingdom of Heaven comes out on Friday and frankly, I can't wait. Although this time, I thought that I might give Adam (lovely husband) a break from battling the opening night crowds and friend Tracy has so graciously agreed to go with me. I just hope she knows what she is getting into!! LOL And besides, Adam and I can go on Saturday night..;) See? Told you that I was obsessed!