Is 30 really the new 20?

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years, I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years, I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years

--My Next Thirty Years, Tim McGraw

Well, for better or for worse, it is now official...I have entered into a new decade and undoubtedly a new chapter in my life. Yes my friends...I turned 30 on Sunday. And how do I feel about turning 30, you might ask? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet.

Those of you who know me know that I have always been a bit crazy about birthdays..but crazy in a good way. I'll be honest, I love them..always have and most likely always will. But predictably, this one caused me a little bit of grief. Hesitation, if you will. It isn't that I'm not okay with turning thirty because I honestly am. I mean, sure it is another year that has passed but by this point one would hope that I've made some progress in dealing with that particular phenomenon. But the age of 30 just has such a horrible stigma surrounding it and I tried very hard, in the weeks and months leading up to the "big day" not to get too caught up in it.

I have always loved making a big deal of birthdays, both mine and those of my friends and family, and as many can attest to, I am usually more than happy to extend my birthday out to include several days before and after the actual day. This period has come to be known as my Birthday Week. So for me, I knew that I really was having a lot of trouble with this birthday when I came to the realization that I was actually considering not even celebrating it this year. That was definitely a departure for me and when I mentioned it to some of my friends, they were obviously just a little shocked.

Luckily, I came to my senses in time but I'm still a bit puzzled as to why it was causing me so much uncertainly to begin with. Yes, I do realize that it is a bit of a milestone birthday and that thirty is really the one that many use to measure the progression of their life goals against. And while I might not exactly be where I envisioned that I would find myself at the age of thirty, I'm really not doing too bad. Sure, I might not be the famous musician living the high life in LA that I naively imagined as a teenager but I'm married to a wonderful man whom I love deeply and who I know loves me deeply in return. I have a decent job doing something that I find quite interesting, I have surrounded myself with friends that I love and respect and who hopefully feel the same way about me, and for the most part am proud of that I have accomplished in the past 30 years.

But then, maybe that is the problem. You see, I never actually thought that I would every really be 30! Thirty is something that my parents were when I was even old enough to remember and right from when I was a little girl, it always *seemed* old to me. Of course, knowing what I do now, I know that this isn't exactly the case. I don't feel old. I don't feel as if some magic maturity fairy flew in through the window early Sunday morning and sprinkled me with magical fairy maturity dust. And frankly, I'm rather glad about that. I guess it really is what everyone has been saying: just another year.

But in retrospect, turning 30 does provide me with a pretty good opportunity to reflect back on a few things that I have done (or haven't done, for that matter) and I know as I sit here that there are still a LOT of things that I want to do with my life. I might have come along way but the journey in front of me is longer still and that is enough to bring a smile to my face. For instance, I want to own a horse, I want to learn how to play several different musical instruments, I want to take singing lessons and join a choir. I want to learn how to speak German fluently, I want to travel to New Zealand and have a picnic under the "Party Tree", I want to cultivate a closer relationship with my sister, I want to become more like my mother and I want to write a book about my father and the wonderful memories I have of him. I want to learn how to quilt like my grandmother did, I want to see my name on the front cover of a Harlequin Romance novel, I want to learn how to drive a motorcycle and I want to make enough money to be able to happily move to Prince Edward Island with Adam some day and live the life of an islander because that is really where my heart is. Yeah, there is still a whole lot that I want to do.

And I guess the one thing that turning thirty has allowed me to do is to look back without the fear of looking forward. It is almost like standing on top of a small hill and looking back at all of the experiences and people along the way that have impacted my life in some way, even with the realization that an even bigger hill lies ahead of me. And yes, there has been much along the way that has made a difference in my life, friends that have come and gone, but probably the most two significant events would be meeting Adam and losing my father.

Adam is..hmm, how to describe him. I guess the best way to put it is to say that he is my best friend and the perfect match for me. I like to think that we compliment each other very well and he has a fantastic sense of humour that meshes with mine perfectly, even if we have a tendency to lean towards the sarcastic side at times. He is the one I laugh with, who I have cried with more times than I care to count, who tolerates my silliness and listens to my opinions but isn't afraid to let me know when he disagrees. And man...he is smart and I love that about him. I really hope that our children pick that up from him..;) I always knew that someday I would get married but I never imagined that I would ever find someone that I would love as I love Adam. And in 30 years from now when I'm celebrating my 60th birthday, I know I'll be looking forward to also celebrating being married to him for 36 years as well.

And my dad...well, I just really miss him. I guess in all the scenarios that I imagined myself in at the age of 30, I never once imagined that it would not include the presence of the man that has made me much of who I am today. It has been 7 years this September since he was taken so quickly from us after suffering a heart attack and not a day goes by that I don't miss him with all of my heart. He had a wicked sense of humour, could tell a mean tale, had a heart of gold and even though he was a big man, he could sneak up on virtually anyone, and as quietly as anyone I have ever seen! He had high expectations of both my sister and I and although at times he would frustrate the hell out of me, I know now what he did what he did in pushing us to be the best that we could be. I can't tell you the number of times, even now, that I find myself reaching for the phone and thinking that I really want or need to tell him something. Because so much has happened in the past seven years that I know he would want to know...and that I really wish I could talk to him about. Seven years later and I still can't quite believe that he is gone.

But those are the experiences that shape a person, for what they are worth. And as I look back on the past 30 years, I know in my heart that the best is still truly to come. And in the end, this birthday turned out to be a great one, enjoyed privately with Adam and celebrated at a wonderful party held on Saturday night with our good friends. And so if this is to be the birthday by which others are to be measured, I'd say this is a pretty great place to start. Here's to the my next 30 years...cheers!