Back to the land of the living..

Well hello there. Yes, I do realize that it has once again been a LONG time since I've blogged but at least I have an excuse this time! Yes indeedy, I have in fact just returned from a week-long vacation to Las Vegas and I'm trying very hard to get my mind around being back home and in the line of fire after a truly amazing week of living the high life in the land that never sleeps.

Ah, what is it about vacations that make them just so hard to return from? I'll be the first to admit that I had a REALLY hard time of it last night trying to adjust to being back home again and I am pretty sure of the reason why but it still doesn't make it any easier. I guess it comes down to the fact that I had such a great time, even far beyond my own expectations, that it was hard to let go of that. I guess I should maybe explain a little about the vacation and how it came to be.

About two and a half years ago, after the initial onset of LOTR-mania, I stumbled upon this website dedicated to one of the LOTR characters (and for those of you who know me, you know exactly what character I'm talking about..lol). Anyway, through this website, I had the lucky fortune of becoming friends with a woman named Michele who was a fellow LOTR nut and needless to say, we hit it off right away. Through many conversations, first on MSN messenger and then on the telephone and eventually through the webcam, we discovered that not only did we have loads in common but we got along REALLY well. You know, it was the kind of feeling that you get rarely when two people really just seem to click..yeah, that was Michele and I. I can't even imagine how much time we have spent in the past 2.5 years just talking and talking and talking but to me, it has always felt that I knew her even though I had never met her face to face. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that she lives clear across the country in Oregon while I'm just outside of Toronto. Tell me that doesn't throw a little wrench into the friendship plans.

But we didn't let that little obstacle stop us. I can honestly say that I have talked to her virtually every day in the intervening 2.5 years and have also had the pleasure of getting to know her two little 'uns and her husband while she has got to know my Adam as well. And while I would have been the first one to admit, way back when this all started, that I was more than sceptical about the ability for a friendship like this to endure, somehow we have been able to make it work. And let me tell you, it hasn't always been all roses either as Michele and I have encountered more than our fare share of rough spots that come with the territory in a friendship such as ours. We have stuck with it though and our friendship is all the stronger for it.

But then came the day, about a year ago when we got this brilliant idea that maybe it was time for us to meet. I mean, it would be the next logical step, right? Riiiiiight. So there began the intricate deliberation of deciding on where exactly this meeting should take place and when. Would we go by ourselves or take our husbands/families with us? If we do meet, how long should we stay for? Should it be at one of our perspective houses or on neutral ground? Trust me, the questions were endless because above all else, there still remained the fact that although I considered Michele to be one of my best friends, I still hadn't met her and for all either of us knew, we could have been far different in person than what we had made ourselves out to be. Oh yeah, we both had learned that lesson the hard way.

So on and on went the deliberation, moving forward just a step at a time until we finally reached a decision. Neutral ground would be best and for this first meeting and it would be just the two of us to avoid any other unneeded pressure. We chose Las Vegas for the destination since it is about a neutral a city as they comes and besides, if by some chance we did wind up hating each other on sight, at least Las Vegas was big and busy enough for us to lose ourselves in for the remainder of the trip. So a plan was born and airline tickets were researched but I can honestly say that up until the night that I actually booked my flight, I don't think I really thought that our trip was going to become a reality.

But as the days passed, the reality of the situation started to become increasingly clear and yes, I did start to panic. Would she like me? Would I like her? Could I deal with the let down if it turned out that we didn't mesh as well in person as we had over the internet and phone? But in the end, for better or worse, I was committed to this and I was going to go...just as much for the prospect of meeting Michele as to prove to myself that dammit, this was something that I could do by myself. Of course it was all made so much easier by the fact that both of our husbands were completely and utterly supportive of our decision to finally meet and were very excited about our trip to Las Vegas (especially Adam as this was a sort of "Happy 30th Birthday to me" present on my side).

So slowly but surely the date of our trip approached and suddenly I found myself standing on the other side of the security barrier at the Buffalo airport last Sunday afternoon with my boarding pass clutched in my hand waving tearfully (but excitedly) at Adam before making my way to my appointed gate. It took up until that very moment for the whole situation to become a reality and I made up my mind then and there to make the very most of any situation that might present itself in the coming week. Yeah, I was ready.

And you know what? It was amazing....simply amazing. From the moment that we actually first saw each other, I knew that everything was going to be fine. We gave each other a big hug and both started talking a mile a minute and it was just like being on the phone with her but without the annoying after-effect of a sore ear caused by pressing a piece of plastic against my ear for long periods of time! lol And what started off great on Sunday night, standing at the baggage claim at the Las Vegas Airport, just got better as the days passed. Yeah, I think it is safe to say that we got along quite well and I will never, not even for a moment, regret making the decision to meet her because now I know that the friendship we share is real. There may be 3000 miles separating us but we have enough memories from the past week to hold us over until the next time we are able to see each other. Yeah, we are thinking of making this kind of trip into an annual event (but we'll include the husbands next time..lol).

So I know that the sadness from last night, in part, came from the fact that I miss her like crazy and wish for the zillionth time that Oregon was just a wee bit closer to Ontario. But there is a point to this rambling blog of mine. I am sure that some of you that may be reading this have become very familiar with the concept of online friendships..a sign of the time that we live in. But I also know just as well that there are many people that would scoff at the idea of these sorts of friendships being real, true or feasible. My advice to you is to not let yourself be discouraged by the naysayers because, as far as I can tell, there is no written rule that says that good friends must always reside within a 30 km radius of your front door. The world is a big place and there are a lot of people out there..and as far as I'm concerned, the friends that I have made online mean just as much to me as the ones I see face to face every day.

I can not tell you the number of people that I came across, especially in the few weeks leading up to our trip, that looked at me like I had three heads when I told them that I was travelling clear across the country (by myself) to spend a week with someone that I had never actually met face to face. And yeah, they would have had a point if this were someone that I had only just started talking to or had never actually seen her and her family on the webcam. But 2.5 years is a LONG time to keep up any sort of farce so I was pretty confident that she wasn't an axe murderer.

In the end, I was proud of myself that I went through with it because I was able to prove to myself that I could do it. And I will be eternally grateful to my lovely husband for having enough confidence and trust in me to drive me to the airport and send me off into the wild blue beyond, not to mention taking on everything at home so that I could be footloose and fancy free for an entire week. And most of all, I am so happy and just plain tickled that my friendship with Michele is stronger than ever. Needless to say, I can't wait until next year.

Is 30 really the new 20?

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years, I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years, I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years

--My Next Thirty Years, Tim McGraw

Well, for better or for worse, it is now official...I have entered into a new decade and undoubtedly a new chapter in my life. Yes my friends...I turned 30 on Sunday. And how do I feel about turning 30, you might ask? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet.

Those of you who know me know that I have always been a bit crazy about birthdays..but crazy in a good way. I'll be honest, I love them..always have and most likely always will. But predictably, this one caused me a little bit of grief. Hesitation, if you will. It isn't that I'm not okay with turning thirty because I honestly am. I mean, sure it is another year that has passed but by this point one would hope that I've made some progress in dealing with that particular phenomenon. But the age of 30 just has such a horrible stigma surrounding it and I tried very hard, in the weeks and months leading up to the "big day" not to get too caught up in it.

I have always loved making a big deal of birthdays, both mine and those of my friends and family, and as many can attest to, I am usually more than happy to extend my birthday out to include several days before and after the actual day. This period has come to be known as my Birthday Week. So for me, I knew that I really was having a lot of trouble with this birthday when I came to the realization that I was actually considering not even celebrating it this year. That was definitely a departure for me and when I mentioned it to some of my friends, they were obviously just a little shocked.

Luckily, I came to my senses in time but I'm still a bit puzzled as to why it was causing me so much uncertainly to begin with. Yes, I do realize that it is a bit of a milestone birthday and that thirty is really the one that many use to measure the progression of their life goals against. And while I might not exactly be where I envisioned that I would find myself at the age of thirty, I'm really not doing too bad. Sure, I might not be the famous musician living the high life in LA that I naively imagined as a teenager but I'm married to a wonderful man whom I love deeply and who I know loves me deeply in return. I have a decent job doing something that I find quite interesting, I have surrounded myself with friends that I love and respect and who hopefully feel the same way about me, and for the most part am proud of that I have accomplished in the past 30 years.

But then, maybe that is the problem. You see, I never actually thought that I would every really be 30! Thirty is something that my parents were when I was even old enough to remember and right from when I was a little girl, it always *seemed* old to me. Of course, knowing what I do now, I know that this isn't exactly the case. I don't feel old. I don't feel as if some magic maturity fairy flew in through the window early Sunday morning and sprinkled me with magical fairy maturity dust. And frankly, I'm rather glad about that. I guess it really is what everyone has been saying: just another year.

But in retrospect, turning 30 does provide me with a pretty good opportunity to reflect back on a few things that I have done (or haven't done, for that matter) and I know as I sit here that there are still a LOT of things that I want to do with my life. I might have come along way but the journey in front of me is longer still and that is enough to bring a smile to my face. For instance, I want to own a horse, I want to learn how to play several different musical instruments, I want to take singing lessons and join a choir. I want to learn how to speak German fluently, I want to travel to New Zealand and have a picnic under the "Party Tree", I want to cultivate a closer relationship with my sister, I want to become more like my mother and I want to write a book about my father and the wonderful memories I have of him. I want to learn how to quilt like my grandmother did, I want to see my name on the front cover of a Harlequin Romance novel, I want to learn how to drive a motorcycle and I want to make enough money to be able to happily move to Prince Edward Island with Adam some day and live the life of an islander because that is really where my heart is. Yeah, there is still a whole lot that I want to do.

And I guess the one thing that turning thirty has allowed me to do is to look back without the fear of looking forward. It is almost like standing on top of a small hill and looking back at all of the experiences and people along the way that have impacted my life in some way, even with the realization that an even bigger hill lies ahead of me. And yes, there has been much along the way that has made a difference in my life, friends that have come and gone, but probably the most two significant events would be meeting Adam and losing my father.

Adam is..hmm, how to describe him. I guess the best way to put it is to say that he is my best friend and the perfect match for me. I like to think that we compliment each other very well and he has a fantastic sense of humour that meshes with mine perfectly, even if we have a tendency to lean towards the sarcastic side at times. He is the one I laugh with, who I have cried with more times than I care to count, who tolerates my silliness and listens to my opinions but isn't afraid to let me know when he disagrees. And man...he is smart and I love that about him. I really hope that our children pick that up from him..;) I always knew that someday I would get married but I never imagined that I would ever find someone that I would love as I love Adam. And in 30 years from now when I'm celebrating my 60th birthday, I know I'll be looking forward to also celebrating being married to him for 36 years as well.

And my dad...well, I just really miss him. I guess in all the scenarios that I imagined myself in at the age of 30, I never once imagined that it would not include the presence of the man that has made me much of who I am today. It has been 7 years this September since he was taken so quickly from us after suffering a heart attack and not a day goes by that I don't miss him with all of my heart. He had a wicked sense of humour, could tell a mean tale, had a heart of gold and even though he was a big man, he could sneak up on virtually anyone, and as quietly as anyone I have ever seen! He had high expectations of both my sister and I and although at times he would frustrate the hell out of me, I know now what he did what he did in pushing us to be the best that we could be. I can't tell you the number of times, even now, that I find myself reaching for the phone and thinking that I really want or need to tell him something. Because so much has happened in the past seven years that I know he would want to know...and that I really wish I could talk to him about. Seven years later and I still can't quite believe that he is gone.

But those are the experiences that shape a person, for what they are worth. And as I look back on the past 30 years, I know in my heart that the best is still truly to come. And in the end, this birthday turned out to be a great one, enjoyed privately with Adam and celebrated at a wonderful party held on Saturday night with our good friends. And so if this is to be the birthday by which others are to be measured, I'd say this is a pretty great place to start. Here's to the my next 30 years...cheers!